Recently as I was preparing to facilitate the marriage of a local couple, the Lord slipped this question into my spirit. What is the significance and importance of marriage? This question caught me by surprise and made me want to take a deeper look at my, friends, families and the community marriages around me to see how they really are. And Is Marriage still relevant, important and represented today?
When I looked at my own extended family I saw something I hadn’t noticed for a while, the majority of my relatives lived in relationships outside of marriage. Wow! The story goes that quite a few of them had children outside of marriage, who went on to have children outside of marriage with multiple partners. This was a strong pattern in my family line with children born outside of the marriage, I was curious to why this was?
I started with my own mother who was pregnant with me outside of marriage, this was during the time when having children outside of marriage was frowned upon and families could disown loved ones. After giving birth to me, my mother made the agonising decision to put me up for adoption, so she was not abandoned by her own family and so I could have a better life. Please hear me there is no judgement to those who have been, or are in my mother’s shoes with that agonising decision, there is only grace, love, hope and forgiveness because that’s who Jesus is and what He offers.
Wow, such different times today right? Or are they? I’m sure in reading about my family, some of you had names of family, friends or associates coming to mind, who unlike my mum have been able to keep the baby because of the support and care they had been given.
2019 Statistical data records the Marriage rate @ 9.8 per 1,000 people aged 16 years and over, and records the divorce rate @ 8.6 per 1,000 marriages aged 16 years and over. Scary that these statistics almost cancel each other out.
Why is that I wondered? Could it be the majority of couples don’t get or understand what’s important or significant about marriage, and the rewards it offers? I’ve noted that the title ‘Married’ seems to be something many opposite sex couples put on the shelf, do at a later date or don’t want. Whereas gender equality groups have fought so hard to be recognised ‘Married? Why is that? Could it be that same sex couples saw the greater significance and importance of MARRIAGE than opposite sex couples? Hmm food for thought.
In looking around again I see the only ones who seem to be making marriage work & last is my parents generation,The Baby Boomers’ this is great right? Yes, but makes me wonder could it be that what they saw, learnt and experienced about Marriage they never passed onto, and forgot to share with the next generation, our Generation?
1971 Statistical data supports that to show the Marriage rate or peak was 45.5 per 1000 couples and the divorce rate was 5.1 per 1000 married couples. Here we see that marriage and staying married was more favoured than divorce.
Now we have the statistics it’s time for heart work and effort to find the Lord’s original ordained Blue Print for marriage, for once we know this, we then have a responsibility to start sharing it with others, so we become a generation who knows and lives Married well.
Imagine you’re in a coffee shop having a catch up and laugh with a friend and they casually ask you, what’s the importance and significance of marriage? Do you think it’s still relevant today? Pause for a minute and think… How do you answer this? What do you say?
Here’s some answers over the years I’ve heard… marriage increases the population by having children (Genesis 1:28). However if this was true then the majority of my extended family, nephews, nieces, their children and myself would not have been born. No, we’ve got to keep digging for the answer which is much deeper than we may imagine, think and dream. Ephesians 3:20
Did you know Marriage was actually a big part of God’s original plan?
Let’s get our Bibles and go to Genesis 2:20 and 1 Corinthians 3:22 to discover the answer.
Genesis 2:20 (NKJV)
“So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him”
1 Corinthians 3:22 (NKJV)
“Whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas, or the world or life or death, or things present or things to come—all are yours”
That little word ALL encompasses so much that everything created, will be created and is being created is God’s and belongs to Him. But in His wisdom He’s given it to us to look after.
So let’s paint the scene we open with Adam being the owner of the world as we are according to the scripture above (1 Corinthians 3:22) . God called it having dominion over all that was in the world and Adam had the privilege of naming all things and calling them to be. Interesting that nothing and no one was found among all that had been created, who would be a helper comparable to him. We’ve got Adam who’s given dominion over all created things, he is alone and has no helper or equal to be with him.
But God! Don’t worry God always has a plan with the perfect timing, which is now. The Lord created a comparable helper out of Adam’s rib! In other words He divided Adam into two parts, Adam and Eve! This is when the Lord speaks these remarkable words in verse 24 & 25 let’s read them
Genesis 2:24-25 (NKJV)
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed”.
Using this verse I believe we find the three Significances to Marriage:
1. Being One in flesh (having Oneness) * Being Naked * Not ashamed
* Being One in Flesh: Two parts come back together and re create one original part or design. Imagine you’re playing the board game Guess Who and you get a card who is not on both of your boards. Can you both win the game? How will you know how to guess who isn’t there? The game is incomplete and both of you can’t win or be one. This is true in Marriage unless husband and wife come back together they can’t be one and form the original design God has for them.
* Husband and wife coming together as one in flesh means much more than physical sex, it incapsulates intimacy and oneness that is tridimensional – Mind, Body & Soul. So when one of these parts Mind, Body & Soul, is given to another outside of the grounds of marriage, much is lost. The individual is handing over a part of them-self that was never meant to be returned and the result is he/she comes away feeling shame, powerless or with an inner hurt that needs healing and wholeness.
* This was true for me, in my ignorance I had sex before marriage multiple times with different partners. The void of what I freely gave away in those moments took a huge toll on me and my marriage. However I am testimony of Restoration and give God Praise that I have full restoration it in my own marriage. It only came through repentance and forgiveness, and through a relationship with our Loving Father. But even after these come, it can take time. Did you get that part? The Restoration of Marriage takes time, it’s not a quick fix, it’s heart and hard work but so worth it. Personally it took many years after being married to my awesome wife that the Lord restored true intimacy to us. If He did it for us, He will so do it for you. Restoration the only way which is God’s way asks you two questions: are you willing to go there? And will you trust Me as I lead you?
* Let’s step up and step in with courage and confidence to share the whole story behind the reasons why we wait, and stop the blanket answer that it’s wrong and instead teach what can be lost from having sex outside of marriage But what amazing rewards and gains are their for each person if this gift is kept, nurtured, cultivated and given in the right time, in the right context which is on the wedding night. Also let’s go there and teach how to develop, walk and manage our sex drive because it’s a gift from the Lord. Did you know He was the one who gave it to us? So He’s the one who know’s how we are to live with it and resist temptation from it? There’s so much more to talk on this, maybe we will do a teaching on this one point. Let me know if it would be helpful.
2. Naked: Means a lot more than having no clothes on. In the beginning we know Adam and Eve didn’t wear any clothes they were naked in every sense of the word and didn’t care! That happens in some remote parts of the world, people live wearing no or partial clothing, and it’s accepted and the norm there.
* However the word NAKEDNESS or NAKED means we choose to be vulnerable and transparent with each other, nothing is hidden, all is disclosed, the good, the bad, the ugly, the crazy, the beautiful. Wow! Don’t we all want that to live naked and not care or be paralyzed by it? A true marriage can only be built and based on the foundation of TRUST, LOVE & HONESTY. This comes from a place of TRUE TRANSPARENCY & VULNERABILITY. So let’s ask God the hard but necessary question is my marriage based and built on the foundation of mutual trust, love and honesty?
* Remember Adam and Eve had this foundation before eating the fruit, but lost it ALL at the first bite. True transparency and vulnerability in a marriage is first founded in a reflection and expression of transparent and vulnerable relationship with our Lord. This expression is then brought and laid at the feet of your spouse on your wedding night as part of total intimacy and submission to each other and leaved it there. Wow, we need to get that and imagine how many marriages would shift with this revelation?
3. Not ashamed (without shame): Means you are able to be the original and authentic true self of you. Did you know oneness, completeness and true intimacy in marriage is only possible if we are who the Lord created us to be? Imagine this if 2 parts of a shape eg a circle, if they are not directly opposite of each other then how could they fit together perfectly to make one shape.
* The gentle warning of this is often the things you do not like, rile you up, or challenge you, are placed in your spouse by the Lord. So He can bring accountability, refining and completeness to you by them, and to them by you. Isn’t He so good! So good to have a plan, purpose and intent for marriage and your own marriage?
Once when counselling an incredible couple in their pre-marriage struggles. The Lord said to tell them this truth and today I’m sharing it with you:
God did not bring you into this marriage to change him or her. But to see transformation come through you both together, from Him.
This is what a true marriage is based on, that God brings transformation to both spouses through each other, we become more like Him and His Son through marriage.
Have a read of Ecclesiastes 4:12 and Mark 10:9 to see this
Each one of these three points: Being One in Flesh, Naked & Not Ashamed were present in Adam & Eve, but lost in a moment of decision, and guess what the same can happen for us. But why?
Could it be that Adam & Eve did not really understand what they had. They didn’t know how valuable they were to each other, how they were to nurture and grow together in this beautiful thing called marriage! Oh my can we all relation to having seasons and times of this when we’ve forgotten what we have, and how valuable and precious our spouse is, a gift from God to us.
I believe this space of forgetting or overlooking, was where the serpent/enemy preyed upon Adam & Eve that day, and where he continues to prey upon us today. So today let’s take back power and get offensive in knowing how to take out the enemy and de mantle this scheme, simply by knowing and living out this: your greatest success in life is discovering who you are and living out your truest self in your marriage.
( We are in our finally testing before releasing an app course on apple IOS and android OS on 12 days of discovering your identity so watch out this soon ! )
Today know you and your spouse are a unique and hand crafted pair who are part of each other in marriage. Guess what? The strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, you and your spouse have, they have been designed by Father God to compliment each other in marriage. So you are not an add on, or a plus one to each other, you are vital to each other and vital to God, for you and your marriage represent Christ to the World.
Remember that, your marriage represents who Christ is to the watching world. No other relationship has this position, value or responsibility. Your Marriage is a true reflection and witness of your relationship with Christ. Remember you are His Bride in Preparation and Waiting of Him.
Challenge time: Make time and space to be with he Lord, grab your journal and ask these questions, honestly, openly and with your whole heart. He wants to speak to you to give transformation, restoration, extra growth and strength to your marriage.
For you not yet married may it be preparation for your future marriage, so you can walk into marriage with all that was intended to have been laid down on your wedding night.
Let’s get to asking the Lord:
1. Father God which one of the above significance or importance in marriage are You wanting me to receive, learn or develop a greater understanding of? Is it to be One in flesh (Oneness), Nakedness, or live Not ashamed?
2. Father God what’s a step by step guide to really conquering this area of my life? or Maybe say a prayer like “Father I know You want this best for me and You have highlighted ………… So where to from here? Write down what He says and know NOW it’s time to act on these points one by one.
3. In Proverbs 3:5-6 it says the Lord orders your steps, So lets pray this prayer: Father God would You order my steps and show me what to start with and lead me on this journey of restoration and fulfillment in my life and marraige.
4. Take time to stop, reflect and enjoy the journey. I remember having a horrific illness and taking time to sit down and ask the above questions. I had my list and He was faithful on every point He said He would do it and He did do it. As He was faithful to me, He is faithful and will be to you.
5. Go through the other significances or importances in Marriage asking Him each time which needs a bit of attention? Then do the steps.
6. Share your journey, testimonies and maybe this message, so all can have what you have experienced and encountered.
7. Give Thanks! For He is good. Read 1 Th 5:16-19 and declare how good He is.wifi
8. Let’s pray: Father please lead us to become all You created us to be individually and collectively in oneness, being naked and not ashamed with both You and our spouse. Help us to learn even more about Your plans and purposes for our life and our marriage. For those who are preparing for marriage would you help them be on guard over the gift they have for their future spouse, let them see the reward waiting for them on this night. But most importantly Lord would you teach and show us how to prepare and be ready for your coming back as we are Your bride. In Jesus name. Amen
Craig and Winnie Patten
Itinerate Pastor/Apostolic Leaders
Encounter Ministries
