How do we Forgive ?

Today let’s talk about how do we Forgive and be an overcomer in Forgiveness?

This message is relevant for all people, young and old, believers and pre- believers alike, it could be key to you living life free, from bitterness, guilt, heartache and shame.

Every condition of the heart can end in physical, mental and emotional sickness. All you need to do is search google and you will see reports that show some illnesses can be linked directly to emotional hurt and unforgiveness.

In that part alone, we see Forgiveness is an area we need to be able to Conquer and Win in, so we can have and walk in freedom in our life.

Matthew 18:21-22. Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.”

The above verses are remarkable as a statement, and a commandment and instruction from Jesus. They are a key to a freedom doorway, but as with all keys unless they are put in the lock and actioned for their purpose, then they just sit jiggling idly with others and have no effect or importance!

Wow, did you get that? Keys need to be applied correctly for the purpose, or they cannot have the effect or importance that is theirs.

So that leads me to share for most of my years walking with Jesus I’ve wrestled this because at head level we know we should, and we do really want to be a good forgiver, but how do we actually do this, how do we practically forgive? Especially how do we forgive when the same hurt, offence, pain, comes up time and time again? Oh yes, can you relate to trying out loads of good ideas and nothing works or remains in helping you win the fight to forgive all the time, it’s basically the same fight everyday. If you’re like me then let’s keep going as the Lord wants to unlock incredible revelations and understanding that will enable you to be an overcomer and successful in forgiveness!

Sit with this verse and ask the Lord to personalise it for you and do it again

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2 Samuel 5:20 So David came to Baal-perazim, and he defeated them there, and said, “The Lord has broken through my enemies before me, like a breakthrough of water.” So he named that place Baal-perazim (master of breakthroughs).

 I really feel the Lord want to invite you into breakthrough in these 3 areas:

1. How to become free from past hurts and unforgiveness?

2. How to address hurt and unforgiveness, so they don’t affect tomorrow?

3. How to protect our hearts from offence and hurts?

Because whether deliberate, intended or by accident, hurts and offences are the same, and have the same outcome, fruit and attitude attached to them. Ouch!

We know the saying “hurting people hurt people” right? And that “hurt people hurt the ones they love and need the most”. Oh! I can relate to that as I’m sure you can, we are not perfect and by choice or by decision we have all been hurt, and we all have hurt people, the simplest reason is we are in a world that is fallen! Remember the Garden of Eden in Genesis and all throughout the Bible His story we see how fallen the world became and then we look outside and into our community and we see how fallen our world is, so yes we agree. But here’s the key that we need to agree with, store up and apply to our lives: We all are vulnerable and prone to hurting people and being ourselves hurt by others.

When we get that and have an ‘aha” moment with this key, then we can use it to our advantage and live daily without offences and hurts present, lingering or finding root in our heart.

Why? Because when we see that we are just as vulnerable to hurt people as they are to hurt us. We get a me to moment that actually reminds us we are all human and all in the same boat with the same ability to hurt or bless others! This is a powerful moment this is when we can disregard the lie that says to us, you are the only one who is hurt here, and you are the only one hurt in the world, so protect yourself. No, do the opposite take authority over that lie in Jesus name and by His blood, shut it down with truth key.

A second lie the enemy uses is that unforgiveness is freedom, that is simply not true the truth is that as Corrie Ten Boom said “unforgiveness is like drinking the poison yourself and waiting for the person to die” and “unforgiveness is a prison that keeps the person stuck” “unforgiveness is also seen as a heavy backpack that is just loaded to the brim with heavy items that are unnecessary and because of them you can not walk or move freely because of the WEIGHT on your back of unforgiveness. Today drop the backpack or unload it, stop drinking the poison and open the prison door.

One last lie is that the Lord simply cannot Love us if He allows hurt into our lives from others, situations or circumstances. This is simply not true the Word says:

 1 Corinthians 11:19 (NKJV)

19 “For there must also be factions among you, that those who are approved may be recognised among you”.

Interesting to note factions is defined by these words: ambition, self-seeking, rivalry, self-will being an underlying idea in the word; hence it denotes “party-making “seeking to win followers, causing division, contentious, it’s the fruit of jealousy.

Here we see in this verse God does not want any factions, unforgiveness, division to be among His people, but His approval on situations and circumstances is dependent on how you overcome it, the relationship, event, or work through it with Him.

The Lord says if you forgive others I will for give you! (Mathew 6:14-15) notice He doesn’t say you must, but rather the Lord wants you to choose to forgive, choose to extend grace, decide to forgive today, and the promise follows that He will forgive you. I dunno about you but I always want to be forgiven by God, so I’ve decided to extend forgiveness to others.

However one day I has hurting lots, for I had tried and tried to forgive something and still I remained stuck in unforgiveness, in frustration I yelled “God I cannot forgive…” The Lord answered “well I have and by the way I forgave you“ Gulp! Did you catch it? As I cried out in frustration and desperation He met me and said I’ve forgiven it and I forgave you too. Wow! I am hoping by now you can see clearly that hurts and offence are an invitation to a great future for you and others relationships if treated as a doorway to freedom, healing and wholeness.

This is what Jesus saw on the cross when He took on the offence and hurts of the world including yours and mine (read Isaiah 53:4)

Now we have laid a foundation for why people hurt people and how the Lord sees hurt and offence. Let’s address those three points from above.

1. How to become free from past hurts and unforgiveness?

Decide it’s time, and with an action, intention and a change of heart start realising it’s not going to be easy and it’s going to cost, but when we make the choice and follow with action to forgive, we let the person off, we stop being judge, and our heart gets changed and we journey towards forgiveness and freedom.

 A few years ago hurt by a situation that was outside of my control the Lord spoke to me a question that transformed my life.

What’s the difference between holding an offence to your heart or accepting the offence into your heart?

I did not understand, so inquired of the Lord for the answer. He said if you accept it into your heart it will become part of you. This is where bitterness, resentment judgement, criticism, etc form. But if you hold the offence to your heart it is facing in to Jesus! Wow! If you have accepted Jesus into your life and the Holy Spirit too, then out of love you will get one of two convictions.

1. The offence was due to something you need to face and not in fact the person that offended you.

2. You will get an inward conviction and be moved with compassion to help, pray, or contend for your offender.

This simply action, of inquiring of the Lord for understanding, has saved me many hurts and kept me in a life of abundance.

How do we protect our hearts through out life from offence?

Recently I wrote a message on taking every thought captive, If you have not read it, maybe this would be a good time to pause and read it, in it is some good thoughts and skills on how to identify and conquer the schemes of the enemy.

The Word the Lord just gave me as I was writing this is ‘to take a short account’. Let me explain, if you received a hurt or offence and keep it in your hand, not in your heart, but looked at it, prayed about it and if needed hold it to your heart, and deal with it immediately, either by letting it go, or using it to help yourself or others grow. You can have confidence that will not be affected by it. Short account means, sort it quickly with the remembrance of what the Lord did for you in the cross.

So again – look at it (the hurt/offence, pray for wisdom, act on the wisdom – either let it do or use it for growth)

Matthew 6:14-15 (Passion Translation NT)

14 “And when you pray, make sure you forgive the faults of others so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you. 15 But if you withhold forgiveness from others, your Father withholds forgiveness from you.”

 If you want forgiveness it will take you offering forgiveness. But the rewards are incredible.

Jesus witnessed this for us at the cross in Luke 23:24

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

I remember many years ago, being ask to attend a meeting, on the way the Lord said to me “forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” As I entered the meeting the leaders started accusing me of unthinkable things I had supposedly done. As I sat there in the middle of all these accusations, all I could think about was we all fall short and forgive them as they don’t know what they are doing. (Romans 3:23 and Luke 23:34)

What I think the Lord was saying was these are the keys to not allowing offence to enter my heart and forgiveness to be release so I could walk away free. I still remember these words to this day! In case you want to know things did get exposed, words were discovered to come from a false prophet, and our ministry carried on. Within the weeks of returning from a break, we actually increased in numbers.

On another occasion after a big move of God in a church, we were asked not to return by text message from the Pastor. As I inquired of the Lord for what to do? He revealed the word about the difference between holding an offence to my heart and accepting it into my heart. So I waited for the right words that came out of love, this took a few days, but was so worth it. Then I wrote the reply, held the phone to my heart until all pain, hurt and offence had completely gone, then sent it. I often do this when replying to emails or texts that come from people, and I am surprised at the replies, lives changed and restored relationships by this simple action.

We were never created to live with unforgiveness, hurts or offence. Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-30 (Passion Translation NT)

28 “Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden? Then come to Me. I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis. 29 Simply join your life with Mine. Learn My ways and you’ll discover that I’m gentle, humble, easy to please. You will find refreshment and rest in Me. 30 For all that I require of you will be pleasant and easy to bear.”

For those of you who are pre-believers, and have not accepted Jesus invitation into your heart may I encourage you to do so and say a simple but heart felt prayer.

 Lord Jesus, I admit I’m a sinner, but You died on the cross for my sins. I ask You to come into my heart and manage my life from this day forward. Come be My Lord and Saviour, in Jesus name Amen

We celebrate with you if this is your first time accepting Jesus. Please send us a comment as we would love to know your news, and walk with you on this new exciting journey you’ve just said Yes too 🙂

Father I pray, may the words you have asked me to write bring freedom, wisdom and revelation through Your Love. Would you help us all too ‘take a short account’ of our interactions, discussions and actions with others. Psalm 133:1 there is a blessing awaking in us for unity with neighbours. In Jesus name Amen.

Craig and Winnie Patten

Itinerate Pastors /Apostolic Leaders

Encounter Ministries